I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
