I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
