this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
