Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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