How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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