I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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