When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you win again, gameday.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
