do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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