Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
