eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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