i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
