I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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