who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
