big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
