Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
