I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
