You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
