smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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