and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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