Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My cat gives me a boner
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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