I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
