areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
