Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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