I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
