That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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