i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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