she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The adults are the big ones right?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
