Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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