I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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