I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
