Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
