went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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