put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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