I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
