She is in my trunk
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
