I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
