I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
