Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
