Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
FUCK WHALES
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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