Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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