Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
