I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
