I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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