You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
