If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
