Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it hurts more in the daytime
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
