You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
