Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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