Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
