I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
