Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
