so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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